#Metoo

Writing the post that makes me want to vomit…
#metoo

I was 12. It was after Bible Study and I was waiting for my mother at the nearby shops. A man came by me — squeezed my breast and then went off. It was so quick I didn’t know what happened. But I felt sick and dirty and terrible inside. When my mother came I didn’t know what to tell her. Since I didn’t know I had been molested. I didn’t know what molested meant. Until 2 years later in High School when the teachers spoke about it. Then I knew the name for the shame and yuckiness I had carried.

I was 21, I took a public bus in Singapore and I was leaning against the window. I was day dreaming, traveling to the university when a hand came from the gap between window and seat to reach my breasts. I was angry and hit it. But I didn’t know what to do next. I didn’t know I was to tell the driver to stop so we can put this young man in jail. I sat worried to report him because I could hear him talking to a group of other guys. But I was fuming mad. I sat ashamed, helpless, victimized. When they went down, my anger got the best of me and I hit his backpack with all my might. He didn’t look up. But his friends seemed confused. I think they didn’t know. They left. I was still afraid.

I was 35. He offered me some part time work. He was married. I thought he was a friend. He kept hitting on me. I never took him seriously. His female colleague must have been worried. The work stopped coming.

I was 37. Helping to sell software to big companies. I met a guy from a big company that my male colleague was very excited I had access to. This married guy seemed great. Casual conversation at an event. Then he wanted to meet for drinks when I wanted to meet for tea. I called him out — I wanted a sale and what did he want. He confirmed my suspicions and so I told my colleague that I could not continue with the deal. My colleague seemed to think I should continue and use that to my advantage. He said I should be flattered. I should be flattered? To be hit on by a married man? To have my intellect and expertise disregarded? To use my body as an ‘advantage’?

Last year in my work with getting investors to come for investor festivals and to get more investors for the startups I support. I made friends with an investor. Initially we were fine, then one day, at a party at his place, he pulled at my hair and touched me in a way I didn’t consent to. I was sick immediately and told my friend there I had to leave. I could not continue with getting his investments without him asking for more. So that was the end of that.

— —
Never told.
Didn’t know who to tell and how they would look at me.
Didn’t want the men involved to look bad… (imagine that)

If all the people (including men) who have been sexually harassed, groped, or assaulted wrote “Me too.” as a status, we might give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem. #metoo
Please copy/paste.